Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes... and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

( Defying Gravity - Glee Cast)

For a recent days, I think I had forgot that I had apply on scholarship. I forget to practice my academic English and tend to practice my general English through reading blog and reading some novels. I had my self busy with  my online shop transaction for weeks.

Now when everything slows down, I remember about my goal : to continue study and to improve my career development. It is my big resolution in 2015.  I know it is  a hard decision to do if it is come true. I had to left my babies (2 yo and 7 mo) by the end of Aug 2015. I had to left my current job that means I have no salary for two years. Knowing that I used to have my own salary since I graduated in 2009 and ever so I never live outside my homeland before. For me it is must be difficult to stay out from the country alone, without any salary. I really going to leave my comfort zone.

 At this moment I am waiting for interview stage of my scholar application. The committee will inform me at least on Feb 25th. Wish me luck!

Some people say study abroad for only one year will make you have no time for home sick. You will busy for study, make friends with international colleague, finish your thesis and enjoy the beautiful of UK  (if I am lucky enough, I will see the beauty of Europe). I hope so. I will try my best if I had a chance to study in UK.

source

Out of my now comfort zone had been my consideration for a long time. But I guess it is right time for my career. I am still young and I need to learn more to develop my career. I have leave my babies everyday to do routine job ( the unnecessary job) compare to the core of my institution is in monetary and banking industry.  All my sacrifice in family time just for small retiring allowance, irritating career development ( yes, I am nobody in here and a diploma graduate like me is hard to be develop they said or maybe they just think develop me will put their career in danger, who knows?).

 I do not want my children ask me someday why I do not try my best when I was young? I do not want they find out that their mother wasted her time, youth, and skill moreover your mother is hired to built other people dream. I really do not want to hear their question regarding why you put your dream high but no extra effort? I do not think the possibilities that my children will grow up and never ask that critical question like that. Why? Because deep in my heart I ask the same question too my mother. Quoting the famous novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close :

Parents are always more knowledgeable than their children, and children are always smarter than their parents.― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Here I am try to answer the future question of my children! I am ready for the challenge :)

Only Love Can Hurt Like This is my second favorite song that sung  by Paloma Faith after Technicolor. The Technicolor is an amazing song by Paloma Faith. She wrote this for Samsung Mobile to add to one of their phones, but she will not release it on any albums.

The song wears a Britsoul costume - what with the Winehousesque vocals and the Ronsonesque production - but the skeleton of the song is the 1980s power ballad. After all, 'Only Love Can Hurt Like This' was written by the same bloody composer who wrote at least half of the classic power ballads, including all the ones mentioned above. Penned by legendary songsmith Diane Warren, “Only Love Can Hurt Like This” is a career-defining ballad that showcases the Brit’s gravelly voice at its most gut-wrenching.

 The song has been described as a Motown-influenced sixties-style ballad and is a largely acoustic song featuring just piano and drums, expanding to include backing vocals and heavy use of violins in the final choruses.'Only Love Can Hurt Like This' does play to Paloma Faith strengths as a singer - the Britsoul setting and her sense of restraint nicely offsets some of the song's Warrenisms. Even so, you still sense that she's singing someone else's song, doing someone else's style. But overall, I still love this song.

Listen to her song :


The lyrics

Since the first time blogging at 2009, I just thinking about sharing the ideas about programming. I love how the readers left a comment how my blog help them getting more information about Java, Databases and many more. Never thought about promote my blog or monetize it. I just thought that blog like any other social media (friendster, my spaces, etc) will disappear as time goes by. But I was wrong blogging  has it own way to survive! Yes there is a huge blogging community and 90% of the people in it are nothing short of amazing and I'm proud to be a part of it.This time I had join Next blogger network and  I really enjoy it. I also looking for any blogger network that so much fun like this. I am looking forward for your recommendation.

It was the right decision when I started this blog to share my thoughts in English, the things I love, and what inspires me to live it colorfully. I decided not to be just a silent reader for those amazing blog, I am not shy anymore to follow and tell the blogger how I love their post that inspire me much. That is why I always reply to every comment that is left on my blog, I love creating a relationship with the people that take the time to leave comments.

Putting down good inspirations, with great-looking pictures and a pretty layout makes me feel better. I also list my favorit blog on my bloglovin'. I also list them in a separate pages called inspiring do not be surprised for the long list, I recommend you to take a time visit them.

According to one of my favorite blogger (Jen Purr), I learn a lot how to focus on my blog. I used to get specific with my blog and really creating a bold and brave online space as a  challenge if I really committed to making 2015 as my best blogging year.


Last, never thought I would addicted to blogging like this. This blog now become a huge part of my life and I wouldn't change that for the world as blogging is something that I'm so passionate about. I really thank you, to all of the people who choose to follow and support everything that I do. I wish I could meet you someday in real life ;)

New Years Resolutions are famous for their rate of failure. Taking a simple short-term resolutions can be great ways to keep you away from write routine resolution like go to gym more often or start to saving money this year. We all know where the old resolutions ends up.

Talking about failed resolution, I ever had once in 2013. I planned to finish my bachelor degree on Feb, 2013 with cum laude grade since I started my college in 2010. But  it ends up finished on Aug, 2013 with no honors because I failed in one subject moreover I had to extend my thesis due to my pregnancy. Yes, It is not life what you had planned but God knows what the best for you. Everything that happened makes me sad but I had to grow and life must go on.

About my 2015's Short term resolutions are:

• February 2015 : Getting shortlisted on Chevening scholarship (wish me luck) since Interviews by panel at the British Embassy in Jakarta will take place between 23 February and 17 April 2015.
• April 2015 : The birth of my second child. Cant wait to see whether the baby will be boy or girl
• September 2015 : If I am lucky enough to be selected to Glasgow University. I'm going to live in there for one year.

Out from my top priorities I still have a huge focus for my blog and online book shop. I want my life this year is to be more intentional with the decisions I make along the way. According to Chinese fortune it is great year to do my best so I better not giving up.