Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes... and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

( Defying Gravity - Glee Cast)

For a recent days, I think I had forgot that I had apply on scholarship. I forget to practice my academic English and tend to practice my general English through reading blog and reading some novels. I had my self busy with  my online shop transaction for weeks.

Now when everything slows down, I remember about my goal : to continue study and to improve my career development. It is my big resolution in 2015.  I know it is  a hard decision to do if it is come true. I had to left my babies (2 yo and 7 mo) by the end of Aug 2015. I had to left my current job that means I have no salary for two years. Knowing that I used to have my own salary since I graduated in 2009 and ever so I never live outside my homeland before. For me it is must be difficult to stay out from the country alone, without any salary. I really going to leave my comfort zone.

 At this moment I am waiting for interview stage of my scholar application. The committee will inform me at least on Feb 25th. Wish me luck!

Some people say study abroad for only one year will make you have no time for home sick. You will busy for study, make friends with international colleague, finish your thesis and enjoy the beautiful of UK  (if I am lucky enough, I will see the beauty of Europe). I hope so. I will try my best if I had a chance to study in UK.

source

Out of my now comfort zone had been my consideration for a long time. But I guess it is right time for my career. I am still young and I need to learn more to develop my career. I have leave my babies everyday to do routine job ( the unnecessary job) compare to the core of my institution is in monetary and banking industry.  All my sacrifice in family time just for small retiring allowance, irritating career development ( yes, I am nobody in here and a diploma graduate like me is hard to be develop they said or maybe they just think develop me will put their career in danger, who knows?).

 I do not want my children ask me someday why I do not try my best when I was young? I do not want they find out that their mother wasted her time, youth, and skill moreover your mother is hired to built other people dream. I really do not want to hear their question regarding why you put your dream high but no extra effort? I do not think the possibilities that my children will grow up and never ask that critical question like that. Why? Because deep in my heart I ask the same question too my mother. Quoting the famous novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close :

Parents are always more knowledgeable than their children, and children are always smarter than their parents.― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Here I am try to answer the future question of my children! I am ready for the challenge :)