Live It Colorfully

For me, 2015 was the year that I decided important things. In previous years, I thought I was going to find a new job and believed that I was happy regardless of what my conscience sometimes told me. But everything change including my priority. God had gave me one more little angel called Rissa to light up day on April 27th.

I grew this year and became okay with situations that previously would have terrified me. In doing that, I found my strength again and was able to reevaluate what I want out of life especially my career. So while I might not have met every goal or New Years resolution I set at the beginning of the year, I did earn a sense of pride and accomplishment, which is something I’ll take over a list of imagined tasks any day.

I admit that I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction.
Other people's lives, problems and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life."
 I had a lovely 2015 that makes me more tougher.  I got health, joy and prosperity for my family in 2015 and I could ask for more only thank you.

Nothing special came crossed my mind on The New Year Eve 2016. I have nothing special I wish in this year. To me it feels like inning time to build what I have been plan since 2014. I still wish for health, joy and prosperity for 2016. I am thankful that I could live in this 2016!

I really need to make 2016 a year of pretty big changes for me, though I still need to figure out exactly what those should be.  I need to move on with my career, but my career is not my dream job (though I would be happy with the right scenario), so I want to pursue my other passions as well for my self fulfillment.

My online bookshop and blogging has brought a new energy and creativity to my life that I had been missing (but  that has always been a part of who I truly am), and I am very thankful for this, and for all you and your support. It's a great community. I plan to more focus on growing my book business. Last year, it got net sales for 10 million rupiah  for this year for fun and next year I am going to be more discipline and make a note of it.

So I hope for us all, that good things are ahead personally, professionally, economically, politically, environmentally....2016 needs to be a year of serious positive change in so many ways.

 I believe if I want something bad enough, I need to work harder, and also need to work faster. I need to review my social media marketing and make up this blog more.

It has been my first post after 17th days of February. I have been too busy with stuff like birthday party, my online shop promotion, got trapped in flood disaster at Jakarta, and my job in office. I need quite surroundings to write my blog post unfortunately I can not get it in 17 first day of February. Finally today , I had a chance to write about February yes about what I learn and feel in this month.   


Time goes by and yesterday I am officially turning 27 years old. According to Angel Shelton, this period is called as Saturn Return.

Wikipedia says about Saturn Return:

It is believed by astrologers that, as Saturn “returns” to the degree in its orbit occupied at the time of birth, a person crosses over a major threshold and enters the next stage of life. With the first Saturn return, a person leaves youth behind and enters adulthood. With the second return, maturity. And with the third and usually final return, a person enters wise old age. These periods are estimated to occur at roughly the ages of 28-30, 56-60 and 84-90. A fourth return occurs for only a few people, at age 114-118.

What it means to me?
 People say that I am going to feel chaotic, like everything is being uprooted, but that’s a good thing! It started at age 27 for me and by 29 I will be in an entirely new phase of my life. I had plan to continue my study through applying  a scholarship but today the committee tell me that they decided to not take my application further. They really had my heart break.

My mind wanders to the lines of Anne of Green Gables 's quote :

“You're not eating anything," said Marilla sharply, eying her as if it were a serious shortcoming. Anne sighed.

I can't. I'm in the depths of despair. Can you eat when
you are in the depths of despair?"

I've never been in the depths of despair, so I can't say," responded Marilla.

Weren't you? Well, did you ever try to IMAGINE you were in
the depths of despair?"

No, I didn't."

Then I don't think you can understand what it's like. It's very uncomfortable a feeling indeed.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

To be worsen my husband responded that I have to left my job and moving outside Jakarta to raise the children. I feel so sad because I have no good choice about my life. I can not always keep my job because I have no career. Maybe I have an enough salary but still I can not grow in there. Being a house wife is not an easy one, I have no experience in cooking and raising children and I also have to leave the big city. I can imagine how I will spend my day in home everyday due to there is no transportation in there. All I can do is dreaming about continue my study where I will be permitted by my husband to life in big city and I can grow. I wish I had that chance in my 27.

Source

What it feels to me?
I feel so unlucky. I feel like I had to accept that I am not that special.  I remember how I have late to finish my study due to my first pregnancy. I also failed in one of subject so I can not reach my cum laude. The second pregnancy is not planned and I got another baby girl again. I really wish that I have a baby boy but I'm not that lucky. Now my scholarship is not proceeded further. I also have job but not career. I just not satisfied that my life just that ordinary. You might think that I am not grateful but I think is okay sometimes to express your disappointment when your life just do not well as your planned. I need a time to understand that maybe God has a best plan and it is should be better than my plan. Believe me, I am kind a person that not easy to give up. 

then I remember one of  the lines in Anne of Green Gables book :

 “I've done my best, and I begin to understand what is meant by 'the joy of strife'. Next to trying and winning, the best thing is trying and failing.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

 I try to apply scholarship again this year! I will not give up!

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes... and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

( Defying Gravity - Glee Cast)

For a recent days, I think I had forgot that I had apply on scholarship. I forget to practice my academic English and tend to practice my general English through reading blog and reading some novels. I had my self busy with  my online shop transaction for weeks.

Now when everything slows down, I remember about my goal : to continue study and to improve my career development. It is my big resolution in 2015.  I know it is  a hard decision to do if it is come true. I had to left my babies (2 yo and 7 mo) by the end of Aug 2015. I had to left my current job that means I have no salary for two years. Knowing that I used to have my own salary since I graduated in 2009 and ever so I never live outside my homeland before. For me it is must be difficult to stay out from the country alone, without any salary. I really going to leave my comfort zone.

 At this moment I am waiting for interview stage of my scholar application. The committee will inform me at least on Feb 25th. Wish me luck!

Some people say study abroad for only one year will make you have no time for home sick. You will busy for study, make friends with international colleague, finish your thesis and enjoy the beautiful of UK  (if I am lucky enough, I will see the beauty of Europe). I hope so. I will try my best if I had a chance to study in UK.

source

Out of my now comfort zone had been my consideration for a long time. But I guess it is right time for my career. I am still young and I need to learn more to develop my career. I have leave my babies everyday to do routine job ( the unnecessary job) compare to the core of my institution is in monetary and banking industry.  All my sacrifice in family time just for small retiring allowance, irritating career development ( yes, I am nobody in here and a diploma graduate like me is hard to be develop they said or maybe they just think develop me will put their career in danger, who knows?).

 I do not want my children ask me someday why I do not try my best when I was young? I do not want they find out that their mother wasted her time, youth, and skill moreover your mother is hired to built other people dream. I really do not want to hear their question regarding why you put your dream high but no extra effort? I do not think the possibilities that my children will grow up and never ask that critical question like that. Why? Because deep in my heart I ask the same question too my mother. Quoting the famous novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close :

Parents are always more knowledgeable than their children, and children are always smarter than their parents.― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Here I am try to answer the future question of my children! I am ready for the challenge :)

source

I am not strict when it comes to belief, faith or religion. I do not care what people believe in, faith or their religion, all I know everything is teaching you kindness, peace, and love. I respect people who doing a lot of kindness than their worship. I always think who am I judging people by how often they are doing their worship. But I'm judging them by their kindness cause that's the only thing that sometimes eyes can not see but heart will always feel.

Kindness  is a simple things that makes people sometimes feel complicated. I'm not talking about that you have to make everybody happy or saying yes in every single way. I'm talking about how to be true with your self, be honest, be positive, and make it simple. That is the definition of kindness according me.

If you find someone with difficulties, I'm sure if you are honest you will help that people don't you? What about people who will not help. I'm not sure they are not willing to help. I believe that they have willingness but they are to lazy to do that.

I just hoping that people who feel lazy to help other people do not have a dream that someday they will get help by others. Yes if you want people to nice with you then you should be nice too.  So if you want have a nice day then you should be kind to people. If you had a bad day even if you do kindness, is OK . God's never do a mistake just wait maybe there a bigger blessing in disguise. Never give up to be kind.

1. You still wake up every morning
2. You are healthy so  were your family
3. You always a day to live on
4. You are happy with your friends
5. You can see, feel, smell, and taste everything

Now my daughter is one years old. Happy birthday my baby! Your first year is over and babyhood is behind you. Hold on for the toddler years... In the coming months, my little one will seek more independence, discover the world from an upright position, find her sense of humor, and best of all, learn to say that she loves me.

I used to have party for her tonight if only she do not  have to do her medical rehabilitation.  But don't worry  I decided to postponed the party until next week. I was so exciting preparing her first birthday party although she may seems does not understand what party it is. I had spent my time picking up snack for her goodie bag and made a Masha and The Bear Theme Printables.

If you are planning the same theme for your party you can use my printable

It is time to match Mitha's development to some milestone in here :

• 
  
• Gets to sitting position without assistance
• Crawls forward on belly by pulling with arms and pushing with legs
• Assumes hands-and-knees position
• Creeps on hands and knees supporting trunk on hands and knees
• Gets from sitting to crawling or prone (lying on stomach) position
• Pulls self up to stand
• Walks holding on to furniture
• Stands momentarily without support
• May walk two or three steps without support

Milestones In Hand and Finger Skills

• Uses pincer grasp
• Bangs two cubes together
• Puts objects into container
• Takes objects out of container
• Lets objects go voluntarily
• Pokes with index finger
• Tries to imitate scribbling

Language Milestones

• Pays increasing attention to speech
• Responds to simple verbal requests
• Responds to “no”
• Uses simple gestures, such as shaking head for “no”
• Babbles with inflection
• Says “dada” and “mama”
• Uses exclamations, such as “oh-oh!”
• Tries to imitate words

Cognitive Milestones

• Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)
• Finds hidden objects easily
• Looks at correct picture when the image is named
• Imitates gestures
• Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver)

Social and Emotional Milestones

• Shy or anxious with strangers
• Cries when mother or father leaves
• Enjoys imitating people in play
• Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys
• Tests parental responses to his actions during feedings (What do you do when he refuses a food?)
• Tests parental responses to his behavior (What do you do if he cries after you leave the room?)
• May be fearful in some situations
• Prefers mother and/or regular caregiver over all others
• Repeats sounds or gestures for attention
• Finger-feeds himself
• Extends arm or leg to help when being dressed

I used to forget that I had talent in drawing. I had buried my dream as illustrator a long time ago. Simply because of my parents and my surrounding is not support me to develop my talent. While other parents took their child to have class in art and drawing , I just simply learn  by autodidact. Whenever I found that some picture is interesting, I try to imitate by my very own way. My parents do not have enough money to facilitate my talent. In my school, I were not allow to attend school competition because I don't have informal education in drawing furthermore I do not have money to buy the form.

My first page of  alphabet project

This talent are inherited from my grandfather. He is a talented painter. He had left us about 20 paintings as his works. Some of  his paint were sold at high price and others are keep on my attics.

I believe talent has just need to be discovered. Fortunately it did not happen in my case. So I grew up with the talents of drawing left abandoned somewhere. Did I regret it? yes I do. I did not try harder to keep my dream and my talent and besides I can't go back and spend all my time to studying about my passion in drawing. All i can do is saving a little money to buy some books about drawing.

I found that the drawing talent that I had left them has just come back when I were pregnant of my daughter. I spend my time by drawing a cute picture of animal. Every animal is represent the first letter of their names.It's my project to list letter and introduce some animals to my daughter. I believe I could not beat up my destiny to develop my talents and passion in drawing. If it is too late to develop, still I could pass my knowledge in drawing to my daughter. I can teach her to draw and encourage he to chase her dream and develop her talents. I'm not going to force her to develep talent in drawing if she do not have interest in there.

I like when I post some picture of my project were liked by some strangers that had come and pass by to my instagram. They are encourage me draw more. I try to develop my talents everyday , this is just the way I grateful to Gods of His kindness.

Do you ever got a talent that you have not recognize it? Is it too late to develop it?